.. ♥ January 29, 2011 |
I'm more than thankful to you and how sorry I am right now.. We're both messin' up each other's life. I hope, in due time, still together or not, we'll laugh about everything we're going through.
This is completely making me crazy but hey.. we're still hangin' on to something we both want for so long..
In any case, I pray for a happy ending.
No, I won't be okay (you know what I mean). But whatever you want, as long as you're happy -- I will be happy too. Even if it means me without you. hehehehe.. corny, I know..
a happy ( -- very happy) birthday.. :)
I intentionally did not update my page for some reasons. I thought of it as a million dollar task and would only stress me more by just thinking of what would be its title – but my blog here would serve no purpose then. :D
Speaking of staying alive, I was deliberately trying to – to make myself look like a truly responsible slash independent slash mature slash whatever-word- that-belongs-to-the-group person.
First, I was on the verge of letting go of my job. Yes. I was also considering A.W.O.L. – para santong paspason at matapos na ang kalukuhang ito. It took me every ounce of courage (accompanied by whining, of course) every night to get myself off my bed and go to work. It's the job again. I’m tired. I feel like it’s the end of the world before and after my shift. I was also beginning to consider health-check any time soon if I continue depriving myself having a good night sleep.
Until I declared an ultimatum, I’m going to wait for my appraisal, be regularized and resign – or better yet leave before that. It’s a closed deal. I told my sister what I’m planning and she’ll back me up though she’s encouraging me to stay put for a while. It’s hard to find a job, she said, and it got me thinking. I weighed every thing, I should more likely stay than leave – at least not any sooner. When this was happening, my appraisal was then few more days to go. When that day came, I was fine by the result and let’s count that as one of the reasons why I’m still part of the company.
During those days as well, my companions were lining up on the resignation list. I thought I should start writing mine too but thinking it's not a very good idea to start of my New Year, I put the task on hold – on hold huh..
Anyway, life must go on as they say and so be it. As long as I have the slightest doubt of quitting, I’ll stay. I don’t exercise positive thinking – I never did. It’s about what I can do and that’s it.
Moving forward, I’m planning nothing but to work for the next month. You know what when I was granted and taking advantage of my prolong leave back in December, I was real happy and relax. I never had the thought of missing my job but it was distressing when I came back days before payday knowing my co-workers were going to get double for the Holidays work and me getting nothing but a couple of bucks. A fact that keeps me in this job as well, though I’m tired but ten days of sleep deprivation will be compensated enough and better than my mothers'. :B
For this month, I only had one rest day for each week because of mandatory overtime. It’s very stressful to tell you the truth -- a night of rest is nothing at all if I wanted to regain my strength.
Anyway, my update for today is not supposed to end like this but I have to go to sleep. I need it more than anything else. life must go on. Fine.
to be cont'd..