staying alive

.. ♥

2011-01-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

I'm more than thankful to you and how sorry I am right now.. We're both messin' up each other's life. I hope, in due time, still together or not, we'll laugh about everything we're going through.

This is completely making me crazy but hey.. we're still hangin' on to something we both want for so long..

In any case, I pray for a happy ending.

..

2010-11-02T15:11:00.000+08:00

God, let this end. :(

to my corny friend..

2010-05-26T09:16:00.002+08:00

Happy birthday.

No, I won't be okay (you know what I mean). But whatever you want, as long as you're happy -- I will be happy too. Even if it means me without you. hehehehe.. corny, I know..

25 years and counting..

2009-05-11T13:00:00.001+08:00

a happy ( -- very happy) birthday.. :)

just an update..

2009-01-31T11:50:00.005+08:00

I intentionally did not update my page for some reasons. I thought of it as a million dollar task and would only stress me more by just thinking of what would be its title – but my blog here would serve no purpose then. :D

Speaking of staying alive, I was deliberately trying to – to make myself look like a truly responsible slash independent slash mature slash whatever-word- that-belongs-to-the-group person.

First, I was on the verge of letting go of my job. Yes. I was also considering A.W.O.L. – para santong paspason at matapos na ang kalukuhang ito. It took me every ounce of courage (accompanied by whining, of course) every night to get myself off my bed and go to work. It's the job again. I’m tired. I feel like it’s the end of the world before and after my shift. I was also beginning to consider health-check any time soon if I continue depriving myself having a good night sleep.

Until I declared an ultimatum, I’m going to wait for my appraisal, be regularized and resign – or better yet leave before that. It’s a closed deal. I told my sister what I’m planning and she’ll back me up though she’s encouraging me to stay put for a while. It’s hard to find a job, she said, and it got me thinking. I weighed every thing, I should more likely stay than leave – at least not any sooner. When this was happening, my appraisal was then few more days to go. When that day came, I was fine by the result and let’s count that as one of the reasons why I’m still part of the company.

During those days as well, my companions were lining up on the resignation list. I thought I should start writing mine too but thinking it's not a very good idea to start of my New Year, I put the task on hold – on hold huh..

Anyway, life must go on as they say and so be it. As long as I have the slightest doubt of quitting, I’ll stay. I don’t exercise positive thinking – I never did. It’s about what I can do and that’s it.

Moving forward, I’m planning nothing but to work for the next month. You know what when I was granted and taking advantage of my prolong leave back in December, I was real happy and relax. I never had the thought of missing my job but it was distressing when I came back days before payday knowing my co-workers were going to get double for the Holidays work and me getting nothing but a couple of bucks. A fact that keeps me in this job as well, though I’m tired but ten days of sleep deprivation will be compensated enough and better than my mothers'. :B

For this month, I only had one rest day for each week because of mandatory overtime. It’s very stressful to tell you the truth -- a night of rest is nothing at all if I wanted to regain my strength.

Haaay.. Whatever.

Anyway, my update for today is not supposed to end like this but I have to go to sleep. I need it more than anything else. life must go on. Fine.

to be cont'd..

it wasn't that bad..

2009-01-01T17:31:00.006+08:00

Well, New Year was fine. I managed not to cry. Thankfully my name was not listed as expected employees to report on duty last night so I welcomed 2009 by not taking calls.

I spent my entire evening downtown. And thankfully everybody who noticed me being alone seemed to sympathize.

But first, I would like to thank my book. Since there was nobody to chat for long, I dedicated myself reading few chapters from time to time.

Thanks to Starbucks guard as well for the perfect Customer Service and for the quickie friendship. ;)

Thank you to the friendly cab driver who took me to the right place after Starbucks. Surely I can't remember my way back there, God knows, but it's nice there. I would definitely come back. Anyway, I had few bottles and friendly smiles from the waiters so kudos to ya'll too. :) I stayed their for a couple of hours.

I didn’t find it lonely anymore as 12midnight was closing in because people started their fireworks here and there. There were fireworks everywhere and I just had fun. I was scared because it was just in front of the bar and it’s an open bar. It was my first time witnessing such fireworks and it was amazing. I don't like fireworks but it is -- amazing.

Almost 11PM, I decided to leave. For a while I thought I’m going to be stuck their considering the fireworks going on and it was close to midnight, there might be no cabs around. Thankfully, one arrived.

Technically at exactly 12MN, the cab stopped at the gate of my apartment and I sat at the porch for a while since there were more fireworks there. Awesome. I spent 10 minutes there along with mosquitoes, recorded my New Years resolution and by 2AM, God bless me -- I finally went to sleep.

happy New Year..

today is 19th of December

2008-12-19T15:17:00.001+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY jhaud

will be there soon..

2008-12-05T11:05:00.001+08:00

I'm excited. ;)

much love..

2008-11-16T09:57:00.011+08:00

Happy birthday to my niece Gin

Belated happy wedding anniversary to PaMa (Nov. 07)

i LOve yOu gUys. i miSS yOU a LOt.

new place, no plans

2008-11-16T09:21:00.005+08:00

Though my new place is better than all of the places I've lived in this shitty town but still it's nothing like home. People around is okay but I'm trying to live invisibly.

I'm soooo like.. woow.

My new place didn't suggest any idea such as "it's going to be allright, you'll stay here for years.." or "invest for more and keep it real in here.."

Whatever.

things i realized they just happened..

2008-10-28T14:55:00.005+08:00

.. and I didn't like most of it.

1. I was forced to buy a fan. I was provided one along with a contract of course but my landlady asked to get it back the other week because their fan broke. So I force myself not to make face in front of her. That's the part I didn't like, I'm supposed to make her feel she broke the contract we had before I moved in.

2. The AC Adapter I requested was supposed to be released last weekend. We ordered week before last but it wasn't processed. And so I have to spend and find a new book again. Without something to do after work while trying to get sleepy is suicidal.

3. My fan broke after few days. Bad thing is the Service Center is located at nowhereland. So I had to force myself and withdraw the last drop of money I had in my account and buy a new one -- again. Now, I'm poor. 1-800-ate na sad.

4. I kept on following up my planned leave for this December but since my supervisor is "kind of" busy (whatever) I just had to force myself not to take my second plan (yet) which is to go home and declare it as AWOL. Hhhmm..

5. I lost my budget list and I'm running out of mineral water now.

6. I found a new place to move in this weekend. What's ticking me off is I had to wait until then to get the hell out of my hell mode place and had to agonize myself every time I see the landlady. I just h_t_ her.

7. I was late for work the other night. I modified my cellphone's profile and it didn't vibrate when it alarmed. So it took me sometime to absorb it, the thing is it's a written warning that's why it bothered me a while. I literally told myself that 'you don't like your job so get over it', minutes later I'm having the time of my life, sprawled on my bed and reading when my phone rang. My supervisor asked someone to call me and ask what happen. Damn. So I drag myself to work. Life sucks here.

Sa kadahilanang wala lang magawa, magko-Q & A tayo..

2008-10-21T11:34:00.004+08:00

Honestly, are you in love right now?
Pupusta ako pag yan nangyari sa mga panahong eto..

Honestly, what color is your underwear?
It's always been black.

Honestly, what's on your mind right now?
What to do after I go offline -- whether to jump off this building or close my eyes for 5 hours more or less to finally get to sleep.

Honestly, what are you doing right now?
Doing some nonsense stuff like this while thinking what to do next that's more nonsense than this.

Honestly, what did you do today?
12:00AM : I logged in for work
01:00AM : I took my first break at work
03:30AM : I took my fucking second break at work
05:00AM : I had my lunch at work
09:00AM : I logged out from work
.. Few minutes after I felt like eating a donut. Sugar rush.

Honestly, do you think you are attractive?
If I'm going to say no, would it make a difference?

Honestly, have you done something bad today?
I always do.

Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
Nuh-uh, if I'm not at home. My nephew and niece would kill me for that channel.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
No. Well, not unless if I see someone eating a pint of mango flavored icecream. That would bolt me out of this chair and go directly to Select and buy one for myself.

Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?
If I hear my family smile over the phone. :(
And if money would not ever bother me.

Honestly, do you bite your nails?
Before I was a complete nailbiter freak. Believe me, I look like a retard before.

Honestly, what is your mood right now?
Hell mode. Dang, it's f*ckin' warm in here.

Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?
G or miSt (code names)

Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?
Who doesn't?

Honestly, do you hate someone right now?
I tend not to. Gosh, I barely even getting a life on track, what more if I'm going to spend my time hating someone else.

Honestly, who/what do you want to hug right now?
WHO : That -- I'm going to think first. Hindi sa ang dami nila but there's really none. :D
WHAT : I miss my hotdog pillow. I (always) used to have one.

Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
It's been my back since I got this freakin' job..

Honestly, are you in denial?
Who? Me?

Honestly, wouldn't you rather be having sex right now?
Can somebody make that happen..?

Honestly, is it easier to talk through social websites than in person?
I seldom give out (too personal) response online. I mean, too emotional. Count me out.

Honestly, does anyone like you?
I wish I knew one..

Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
????

Honestly, did you answer all these questions honestly?
Honestly..? I did. Amazingness. :D

same same

2008-10-20T10:57:00.002+08:00

Not much to say.. It's been the same since.

Work. Eat. Sleep. And it goes over and over 5 days in a week and life is somehow meaningful during Saturday and Sunday -- it's my so called rest day.

walang kakwenta kwenta

2008-10-06T12:50:00.003+08:00

Somehow nakakamiss din pala ang school.. Hihihi..

Atat na atat akong grumajweyt from iskwela dati pero ngayon, parang gusto ko na ulit magpabuhay at maging palamunin for another 4years -- or so.. Ma?

Ang sama ng thought..

still trying to adapt..

2008-09-15T10:35:00.003+08:00

I moved in to a new room last night. It's quite nicer than the first one but there are things that I still don't like. But have to get used to it nalang muna.

It's been a month since I moved in here in Cebu but I'm still trying to adapt to almost every-thing -- sa work, sa place, sa mga tao, sa cost of living (medyo kataasan comapred to Davao), sa mga jeepney routes (until now, isang route lang ang alam ko -- ang papuntang workplace lang), pati narin sa mga taxi drivers (na pag tinanong mo in bisaya, sasagutin ka sa tagalog -- kaya mo yun..?), and sasali ko na rin mga snatchers na na-amazed ako kahit papano dahil angat sila compared to ours sa Davao -- mas sosyal pare.

Anyway, I'll be working again later tonight. Haaaay..

sa lobby, bow.

2008-09-07T05:47:00.005+08:00

I asked my supervisor last Wednesday if I could go to the clinic after first few hours of my shift. I was not really feeling well. The resident nurse gave me 3 different tablets and an hour of rest. I decided to just take my rest at the lobby since it's nearer than the sleeping room. I was there together with the guards lying on the couch. All of us were so sleepy but I guess I was not just sleepy then. I was sleepy, sad, and stressed. :(

When I was about to go back taking calls again, I took some time to ponder what's really wrong because normally if I don't feel well, I just grab something and make myself busy. I sometimes read or write if I'm sad or magne-nailpolish nalang. And then I cried. I did. tangina, talagang tumulo luha ko. I went to the rest room instead and tried calming myself -- well, wrong move because one of my batchmates was there and bigla nya 'kong tinanong "How are you?" -- SALAMAT HA. peste nalang jud.

Few hours after, I was back on the floor, putting a smile on my face every time I say "Thank you for calling..", and pretending it's just another day of my work and is about to end. Anumang gawin ko, there's still tommorow, next week, and even 6 more months. Syeeeet, SUPER.

rest day najud

2008-08-30T13:15:00.004+08:00

Hihihi..

Yeah, it's just another day -- but it's my first rest day since I got officially employed. :)

repost entry

2008-08-29T11:31:00.005+08:00

I have a private blog by the way and I thought I just repost my latest entry here because first, I just got out from work and I'm tired. Second, it's really what I'm going to say as of the moment. And third, I'm really tired.

This is a little sad by the way but just don't mind me being too emotional about everything I say. It's about -- everything din naman talaga. Hehehe..

To be honest..? -- I'm not happy with what I'm doing. I'm proud that I'm part of my company and I would really want to stay for long. The thing is, I badly need more drive or motivation as well as interest towards my tasks. It's bad because no matter how I think about the opportunity, the compensation, and the ground I'm at for some self-improvement but unfortunately it's really taking me down. Kahit sabihin pa nilang "It's normal since you're a newbie. In time you will learn" -- I know for sure I'll get used to it and learn a lot but right now.. straight to your faces guys -- I'm not happy, I'm not excited. I DO NOT HAVE PASSION IN SELLING OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. PERIOD.
Anyway, a batchmate of mine and I had a chance to talk to our supervisor this lunch and I told her about it. She said it's a good thing I let her know about it so she'll know where to go about me. Thanks supe, that's something to be filed under MOTIVATION then..
For now, guess just have to go about everything. And antos lang jud. Fine. I'm working not just for the compensation but at least because I have a strong drive to do such thing.

I texted everybody back home and they're really concern of what's going on with me here in Cebu. Wow, I'm touched, hehehe.. Hahaaay.. I miss you guys, every time I remember them naiiyak ako.. I miss Prince and Josh, I miss PaMa's company, I miss my brother's presence, I miss everybody and I'm going to cry now.. :'(
Good thing Ate will be here this weekend and I dont have work Sun and Mon so we'll have time together and by the way, it's her 35th birthday this Sunday. She said she wants to eat at Insular's buffet dining and joked me about paying it. Hahaha.. Nice 'te. Well sure, why not. It's my time to repay my sister. She's been there for me no matter what and she gave me tons and tons of help ever since. Aside from my parents, she's a mentor and an amazing person (not to mention hard headed.)

i'm just feeling bored

2008-08-25T15:18:00.003+08:00

I guess I'm not yet getting used to being in this new city. Missing everybody back home is given but I also understand why I'm here. It's just that, I'm having a hard time how to deal with it when I'm out from work. Aside from getting some good sleep, I only tire myself roaming around SM and Ayala most time of the day. It's getting boring, you know. When I'm back in my room, I find myself doing a lot of thinking, wordsearch or listening to music. And you bet, it won't let me last for more hours so I would go out again -- alone -- looking for not-so-boring thing to do..

Suggestions daw be.

P.S. : No drinking please.

Final Assessment - Done

2008-08-20T13:42:00.003+08:00

We had our final assessment last night and I passed -- I think. Hehehe.. Anyway, we'll be having our nesting later (1:30AM-10:30AM).

Out for now.

assessment day

2008-08-19T17:05:00.003+08:00

We'll have our final exam later tonight and I'm crossing my fingers for that (including my toes). Hehehe.. The things we discussed wasn't that hard though, it's just that there's a lot of info to absorb. But hey.. It's all good, I can do this. I've been through a lot and I mean A LOT.

Goodluck to me then. :B

quick update

2008-08-16T10:28:00.005+08:00

July 25 - Training is done. I passed. :)
August 01 - Moved my things from my apartment to my parent's house.
August 08 - Had my orientation for my relocation.
August 09 - Had dinner with everybody (family)
August 10 - left Davao at 9:25AM. :(
August 12 - New Hire Orientation at PeopleSupport - Cebu

miSt

August 13 - Client Specific Training (SCHEDULE: 10PM - 6AM --> wow.. amazingness )
August 14 - Shake a hand with Rich (sister's boyfriend)
August 15 - Last day of training for this week -- and I badly needed sleep..

things I don't like during my training

2008-07-15T18:40:00.002+08:00

1. waking up early in the morning
2. wearing closed shoes everyday
3. sudden change in temperature
4. slips during one-on-one activity
5. no tissue available in the bathroom
6. having activities such as verb tenses & aspects and reconstructing sentences
7. someone from the trainees (hala na..)
8. faking my enthusiasm during my phone sim
9. minutes before my turn for the weekend assessment
10. the chair

to be cont'd..

I'm feeling unwell today.

2008-07-07T21:03:00.006+08:00

I almost ask my trainer this morning that I want to go home and take a rest but I forced myself. I was fighting between my temparature and the lower temp. that we have from the AC. Thank goodness I felt a little better after lunch and another medicine.

By the way, I like to share this, our training starts at 7:00PM and I was never late. Hehehe.. I'm guilty of procrastination when I was in college but I'm really trying so hard to get off bed by 5:45 maximum. Hahaha.. Sometimes I'm drinking my coffee and my eyes are still close. And sometimes I say my morning prayer in the bathroom because I'm too sleepy to say it before I get off my bed.

Anyway, I hope it'll pays off in the end. Well, it will for sure but I hope it will -- the way I thought it would be.

on going training

2008-07-03T19:44:00.003+08:00

Wow. As in W-O-W. Hahaha.. I can't believe I'm doing it. I have gone through an almost the same training like this before during my internship but this wasn't as serious as before.

I have to set my alarm at exactly 5:30 in the morning or else I'm screwed with my 7:00AM schedule. It ends at 3 in the afternoon and approximately 30 minutes after 3, I'm eating my supper. And around 9, I'm sound asleep.

Adie is right, I graduated from Hibernate University last week. It's not really very easy to change course of life or schedule but I am trying and giving out my best to get through this.

Before the training, I'm used to sleeping at around 5 in the morning but now, my day starts at 5:30. I'm trying to get used to it specially from the kind of job I will have in few days time -- just in case.

Another thing I would like to share is that, I'm leaving. And it's starting to hit me. Hehehe.. At first, I was more like eh ganun talaga eh but whenever I think about it now -- I'm feeling sad. Good thing PaMa are not showing it on their faces every time we talk about it but I know they will definitely miss me. I will too. :( Well, for my remaining days here in the city, except my training days, I will go home. That's about less than a month from now.

step 4 - training

2008-06-27T20:26:00.006+08:00

I had my contract for training signed yesterday afternoon. It wasn't that easy before I signed it. I did a lot of talking and showing off my so called skills hahaha.. I was so trying hard believe me but it was worth it din naman.

The Program or so they call as the training will start on Monday, 5 days a week and will start 7:00AM - 2:00PM. Yeah, you read it right, 7:00AM. Me? -- 7 in the morning? come on.. hehehe. I'll bet on my grandmother's grave if Ms. Hibernator, at your service, can make it on time.

I'll be home tomorrow, maybe i'll go home for the rest of my weekends while I'm here. Because if I can get through this training, going home is no longer that easy. I would really miss my family but hey.. there's got to be more than this. I'm going to cry na. :( huhuhu..

my long forgotten 'silent goodbye'

2008-06-20T19:07:00.008+08:00

I was chatting with a long time friend one night after a long time ago. It was not like unexpected because I know it'll happen (just got the feeling). *grinning* I wasn't edgy while talking to him, just plain smiling because we talked after a while. We chatted about the usual things we used to when we were still an item. (hahaha.. an item huh) I realized we still talk the same subject since what.. 4 years and a half, I guess.

We're like trying to make things okay between us but too bad it didn't work right but still we had this on-and-off communication. We were like two people kept on wandering, not really knowing where to go that time. Parang nag uusap nang mga walang kwentang bagay, parang nagsasayang lang ng load at oras over the phone but we both know we're working things out.

He wanted a commitment but I was not sure myself if I could handle that. But I told him I seriously wanted him to stay. Just be with me. Not literally live with me or in the same country but just bare with what I want as of that moment. I don't care if he's dating someone else behind my back or having fun with b*tches and *ssholes but just letting me know that he's still around is just fine. Crazy but I was hoping in that way -- we're going to be okay din.

Well, it never happened.

Of what I found out last year, I didn't cry (I wanted to though to make it more corny hehehe..) -- but I couldn't smile either.

What happened back there, anyway? I didn't ask you why because somehow I don't want to hear it. Well, I couldn't obliged you to explain either because we weren't an item when you asked me to wait for you (which I really did). Dinaan ko na nga lang sa joke yung last text message mo sa'kin pre -- 'did you even care when you said happy new year?' 'Tang ina, balak mo pa atang paantayin ako ng mga isang siglo.

Well, hey it's all good. I didn't hate you for what happened and I didn't feel any regrets because I was not close to commitment. I felt no sadness when you got married because finally I had the right reason to let you go. :)

Whatever you do and whoever you're with, you'll always be part of my past. *wink* And I will always see you as my friend who laughs like no other. *wide grin*

As what I have been (always) telling you and you know who you are -- you be good. ;)

tan aw sa dalan kung maglakaw ka..

feeling bored again

2008-06-17T12:18:00.003+08:00

I went home last Wednesday for my brother's birthday and just got back yesterday night. Mama wanted me to leave home by next week but I refused. I was supposed to go back in my apartment Thursday but Papa asked me to stay until Monday. Hey, it was Father's Day last Sunday. So I stayed for that day. We had lunch together -- my parents and I.

Anyway, as usual, I did nothing but lived like a princess at home. There were nothing much to do. The two elder kids are already in school, the other two small kids were busy trying to kill each other everyday, and the new baby has nothing much to say yet so I ended up with me alone bumming in front of the tv. My parents are busy doing something else so we only get to talk at night.

It wasn't that boring there actually. You know, when sometimes you wanted to do something but you're not sure what it is -- and worst thing, in my case, is that when I have no idea what else to do other than sit and deal with the feeling of not really knowing what to do until it's gone. Geez man, brain damage. And you only get to stare at the remote control trying to decide for hours whether to change the channel or not.

.. every time I do that and having the notion of doing it again for the next few days. WOW.. somebody please save me.

finally, an update..

2008-06-09T17:11:00.005+08:00

June 04, afternoon

My brother sent me a text message to go to the hospital because my sister-in-law will be delivering any minute then. I came there around 6 in the evening and I thought she really was ready to get it all out but she can't feel any pain or sign that it's ready to come out and the baby was not moving. Then the tension started. My brother can't sit for a while because he was so tensed and worried for both of 'em.

So I was like there, supporting and all that. I was also taking care their baggage at times that my brother was needed to process something from the doctor's prescription.

I stayed awake all night. Though I was so eager to go home because I can't stand being in a hospital with no proper place to lie down plus you get to see bloody people, I stayed because I had no choice. Hihihi..

Anyway, ang ginawa ko nalang habang inaantay ko ang sunrise ay magbody count ng mga patay. The waiting area of OB department is located at the back beside the gate where dead people pass going to the morgue. Shit man, it was horrible, terrible, unbelievable at kung anu pang '-ble' na experience yun. I don't know if I would feel privileged kasi hindi lahat nakakakita ng patay ng ganun karami anu. Mga 7 lang naman ang dumaan sa harapan kong patay. Hindi lang naman sya ganun katipid. Lord, may all those souls are with you now.

June 05, morning

Morninng na, dilat na dilat parin ako pero feeling ko hindi na 'ko tatagal nang isang oras if I'll stay here until lunch.

By 8 that morning, I stood out and took a walk. For 16 hours (more or less) I was just there sitting on the hardest chair ever I've used -- waiting for the baby to come out. Quarter to 9, finally God gave me the chance to live more days because I really felt like I'm going to collapsed and die in seconds if I go back to that horrible waiting area and sit for more hours. My sister-in-law's mother came to the rescue. Sa walay pagduha duha -- together with my soul -- nilupad intawn dayon ko.

I had 4 hours of sleep. My stomach woke me up actually. I ate nothing from last night though I had dinner but that was an early dinner. I had my lunch right after I took a bath.

Then a surprise call came in around 3 in the afternoon. It was my employer. :) I had my 5-minute interview over the phone and I sort of passed because they asked me to come to their office the next day for the exam.

June 06, morning

I still don't have my resume. I'm screwed -- again. Hahaha.. I had an amazing experience today. I am scheduled to take an exam at 1:30 in the afternoon and by 10 in the morning I still don't have my resume. I don't have any more money that day actually so I still have to withdraw (courtesy of Ate). When I was about to do just that, it was offline. Time check, it's 12:20pm. I was like -- relax Joy. Hell, it's my first exam and have to make it. As in talagang kukulangin ang pera ko pag hindi ako makawithdraw. Plus, I was not fit with my business attire (as per employer's request) and take note -- no printed resume in my hand yet. Well then , I was tested with my patience. Around 12:40 I guess, God loves me again -- I was able to get some cash. I feel like I was some lunatic running for her life crossing the streets because I was half walking half running. I headed right into the nearest mall, buy few coupon bonds and a folder. Then went straight to an internet cafe to print my resume. Thank goodness I sent it to my email. Time check, 1:00pm. I came back to my apartment to change oufit then went straight to my employer's office. When I came in, I have 5 minutes before call time. Damn, that was close.

Lesson learned: Break out from your comfort zone. Say no to Procrastination. (..yeah right)

My exam's result? I passed. *wide grin*

My final interview will be on June 10 at 10:30AM.

June 07, morning

I went to Greenwich - Victoria Plaza because I forgot or the cashier forgot to give me back my change. I bought some food to go para dalhin ko sa hospital. I forgot because the cashier told me to give it to me along with the food. I was texting while waiting for it for like 10 minutes. My food was delivered and I left. That night, before I went back to my apartment, I dropped by at some 24 hour shop to buy something. Then there.. I remembered my forgotten change.

Good thing they gave it back to me though I don't have the reciept. Pare malaki laki rin yung change ko, hindi pa 'ko nagpupulot ng pera ngayon.

Anyway, I visited the hospital again because my mother and my eldest niece was there. After the hospital visit, we went to the Mall to grab some food. Then I went straight back to my apartment.

I was informed by my employer this day that my final interview was moved to June 09, same time. Oh, gosh that's a day to go..

June 08, afternoon

I did mall hopping today.

I tried to sleep around 11PM but hardly, I think I finally did around 2 in the morning and set my phone alarm by 8:30 in the morning.

June 09, morning

I dragged myself out of bed and luckily I came in to my employer's office few minutes before my call.

The final interview was brief. It took 30-45 minutes I guess. The questions were straight and my answers were luckily straight and more like -- right. Hahaha..

At the end of the interview, they endorsed me to a whatever training level. And that was it. My smile that time was the truest from the moment I stepped in to that room.

You know what was the question that took me a while to gather my answer? I was asked about my weaknesses. Heller, ba't hindi ko naisip yun. At nagfefeeling feelingan daw ako na walang weakness kung kaya wala akong nasagot kaagad. Hahaha..

Whatever.

Anyway, what will I do now is to wait for their call to start for the training. They said, our trainer will be from Cebu and will be coming at the end of the month. Great. Hibernate mode napod ni. Shemper, grandslammer ko ana.

If everything's going to cooperate with me, then I'm off this city. ;)

feeling draggy parin

2008-06-07T21:10:00.003+08:00

A lot of incidents are happening since Wednesday night and I'm still so tired. It's 9:06 in the evening and I'm sleepy. Damn.

I miss blogging, I miss myLot -- in short, I miss my computer spending the whole day in front of it.

Iisa-isahin ko bukas na siguro kung anu ng meron -- to my career, family, every-thing for the past few days.. It's one hell of a week. For now, I think I'm going to hit the bed and get some rest.

Good night everyone. :)

Step 3 - on going

2008-06-03T18:25:00.002+08:00

Step 2 was my resume writing. I've done it for like weeks -- draft, finalize, proof read, edit, finalize, recheck, finalize again.. Damn shit. I tell you, it's not that easy.

Anyway, around 5 this afternoon, nagkaroon na 'ko ng malay. Joy..? Is dat chu? Opo, nangaplay napo ako. Shacks, eto na'to.

I fill out online applications from BPO companies based in Cebu. B'yaan na lagi nku akong yutang natawhan ani kung madayon man. Panawagan, kung kinsa tong gusto mupugong, i-text dayon ko palihug lang.

I also applied in Starcruises. My sister's friend asked her to come back but Ate's not in the mood to work anymore so she's encouraging me now instead. Well, we'll see.

Another set of employer for tomorrow. Haay.. Is this really how clean money supposed to have?

And oh, wondering what was my Step 1? Katong bakasyon diay.. Wala pa gani ko kalangoy. Init man gud, hihihi.. Leizl? ang beach ayaw kalimti dai. Manglangoy pa ta..

Jobless ka parin, anu ba..? Anung petsa na..?

2008-06-01T02:25:00.003+08:00

.. pero in fairness naman I'm done with my resume and I'm ready to hit the market next week. Yipeee :D.. Oh yeah, baby. This is really is it. Kahit alam kong dakilang tamad ako but I need more cash -- clean cash -- and I feel like namumulubi nalang ako ngayon sa kakahingi. Love you Ma. Love u more 'te. :)

Anyway, akalain mo bang ang hirap pala gawin ng lintik na resume na 'yan. It took me weeks until I finally got it right. Thanks to Grace (former classmate) and sir X (my college instructor) nga pala sa proof read. Galing.

Makatulog na nga ulit para paggising ko kape na naman -- paborito ko nga palang gawin yun sa isang araw, ang magkape -- ta's hibernate ulit..

'Tangina napakabummer ko na.

bicycle riding is no good for me

2008-05-23T22:24:00.002+08:00

I woke up 8 this morning, the earliest I guess. Hehehe..

Today, can you believe that I tried to learn how to ride a bike again? My two nephews bring their bicycles at h0me everyday and I just thought of giving it a try after a massive enthusiast of learning it few years ago and filed the experience under one of my frustrations.

My eldest nephew has this usual ride which I thought perfect for me – my size. My youngest nephew has this very small red Powerpuff bike that has two extra small wheels at the back so he could still balance the thing. It’s really small. Anyway, it didn’t take me long to run the bigger bike, if I could see myself desperately trying to balance the thing – I am really the most hopeless person in the whole biker’s world. What I did instead, I took the smaller bike and let myself look as the most frustrated biker ever. Hahaha..

Anyway, I’m going back to my apartment this afternoon. It seems that I can’t go on like this any longer – I love home but hindi ganito katagal na walang ginagawa kundi matulog, kumain, magcomfort room, kumain ulit, maglaro, at kumain ulit. Yeah, I’m going to get bigger if I live like this with my mother and Ate who loves to cook.

i'm bored..

2008-05-21T22:16:00.002+08:00

I’m getting bored here at home. Without Internet I guess I’m less productive than just having a computer. I miss myLot. I miss blogging. I miss crunchyroll. Hihihi..

By the way, I woke up early this morning. Around 9 I was having my coffee. Excellent. I hope tomorrow I’ll wake up earlier than that. I think mas gusto kong gising nang umaga though I prefer evening than daylight kasi naiinitan ako during morning in my room. But I think mas marami akong magagawa if I start my day early in the morning.

My sister and I are still in my parent’s house. Kids visit us everyday, feeling happy that we’re all gathering. I’m happy myself that Ate came home because I know she made PaMa happy na nakita sya nila. I know it’s one of those things that make them happy.

Anyway, Ate will be leaving next week I guess. I hope she’ll visit again sooner. :)

Ate's back in town

2008-05-17T22:00:00.002+08:00

My sister just arrived from Cebu. She was here early this year and decided to come back for the second time. She said mingaw daw didto and she missed home.

She’ll stay here in the building for tonight and will be coming home tomorrow. Actually no one is confirmed that she will be coming back today though they have the idea because she sent a message few days ago regarding her flight date to my brother. Anyway, I know PaMa and everybody will surely be happy to see her again. :)

Along with Ate are pasalubong of course. Hehehe.. Last time she was here, she brought nothing from Cebu because she forgot to carry it – in other words nalimtan n’ya sa airport. Yeah, we do have the line of being tanga sometimes. :D Anyway, few days ago she asked me what I want for my birthday. I told her this and one-and-only that. Indeed, she has it – thank you. :) Love it.

happy birthday yhat

2008-05-11T13:14:00.006+08:00

You know I was thinking of buying me a pair of knee socks as a gift for myself but I wasn't able to find it at the mall yesterday. I bought somethin' else though, yeeeea.. I did a little shopping yesterday. Thanks to Lei for the company and buti hindi mo 'ko sinunog sa kakaikot natin. Hehehe..

Anyway, after more than a year I decided to have a night out yesterday. I wanted to have a different welcoming of my 24th year here on earth. And so I went out, talked to some old acquaintances at the bar and saw some new pipz. I was feeling the moment of being a nobody sitting on a chair in the middle of 183 listening to the music, watching people grinding with each other and trying to digest the number 24. Goodness, I'm 24 and my life is so fucking calm.

Believe me I actually wrote a short entry while I was sitting on a chair at the bar, I asked for a pen and a paper because I couldn't contain it in my head.

"It's my birthday today and people around me dancin',
having fun -- it feels great looking at them right now. I'm feeling great. I
like it. But nobody, except Jeeper, know that it's my birthday today.

I'm 24 and it feels unbelievably good to celebrate and
open May-11 up in a place like this. I don't dance, I don't sing, but the music
keeps me staying just feeling the moment. It's corny but I like it.
:)

And oh by the way, Jeeper gave me CD's few minutes ago.
He actually just knew that it's my birthday today. Hehehe.. He kept on asking me
to sit in his booth but I wanted to be in the middle of the crowd so I asked him
to give me the chance -- because it's my beerday baby.

Anyway, this is really nice. The night is young, three
bottles down and I'm saving energy for more. Ahahaha.. :D"

Jeeper by the way is an old friend of mine. He's one of the coolest person I've known. ;) Thanks for the night Jeep. Like you, you know that. And thank you to DJ Froi as well for the ride. You both rocks.

happy 63rd birthday Papa

2008-05-09T22:06:00.003+08:00

I came back to my apartment from home this afternoon. I was supposed to be back last Tuesday but I don't know why and besides it kept raining when I was there. Hindi pa 'ko gising umuulan na.

My father's birthday was well and enjoy. Everybody was there except Ate -- as always. My nieces and nephews came to our house to sing a happy-birthday song to Papa, sort of like harana thing. Hahaha.. Nice.

amazed by the unbelieveble lightness of being hehehe..

2008-05-03T23:46:00.003+08:00

I visited a friend who's girlfriend gave birth to a baby girl last April 24. The baby has an unofficial name of Amirah, it means queen in Latin daw. yaGerald said 'wag ko nalang daw sabihin name n'ya -- okay. Hahahaha..

Together with Lei (a former college classmate slash shopping buddy of mine), we went to SanPedro Hospital this evening and later Alma joined us. Anyway, for like most of the time I was there, I kept looking at the baby and when I did -- she's as if an alien who landed from somewhere. She was so vulnerably looking thing, with those pinkish skin, lying on her crib. I actually happened to touch her for how many seconds and wow.. I can't imagine myself holding a human being like that. I feel like I'll squirm myself if I happen to carry her. She's so cute.

Congratulations ya. :) May you have more babies to come. Shit happens, i know. hahahaha..

routine changed -- for a while

2008-04-29T22:10:00.008+08:00

I have been mylotting for how many weeks now --an entire month I guess. I wanted to reach May's payout and indeed I had in days.

For the past three days, I started drowsing in front of my computer when the evening starts. My early-evening hour is like a worker's morning log-in time in their offices. I don't know why, I take at least 6 hours of sleeping -- on my bed (you might probably think I'm sleeping in front of my monitor), I also eat -- well not in those customary meal time though but I eat good food when I do. But I fucking don't know why my brain and my eyes are trying to opposed me. I can't concentrate, I yawn more than a hundred times in a day, my keyboard and my mouse are now transfered to my pillow just in case para deretso na. I hate it.

For the past three days, I did nothing but surf and read non sense stuff online. So I thought of going back to my usual favorite, most-boring, engrossing interest -- reading a novel.

Few weeks ago, I dumped the other half content of Janet E.'s Ten Big Ones under my pillow, I thought of finishing it three days ago but the story seems too familiar. It's not my habit to just dump another novel and take another one but I did it anyway. I searched for some Judith McNaught's available eBooks online and bingo, I downloaded Remember When. I actually just finished reading it this afternoon.

The novel is nice and I like it but not nice as Perfect or Paradise or some other novels I read from her. But it's okay, hey it's Judith McNaught. :)

After I post this entry, I'm going to look for Double Standards.

it's good to be jobless

2008-04-19T14:47:00.003+08:00

I did a little shopping today. :) Jobless but shopping. :D

Ate gave me few bucks the other day. She wanted me to go out, she's checking up on me from time to time actually asking what I wanted to do. Blah, blah, blah.. I said, for now nothing. Hehehe.. I've been camping here in my room for almost over a week now. Never went farther than two blocks from my building actually (well except when I went home the other weekend) having the same routine e-very-day, eating the same meal, and talking to the same people. But I realized, I am not feeling bored doing all of this kahit everyday pa, may something missing lang and that I completely do not know what and how to fill it in.

Anyway, I bought some corporate attires and some whatever stuff. I thought I'd make use of the money for something I wanna do for the next few weeks. I'm going to look for a job (that's for sure) and I'm gonna be needing these kind of clothing style (..wishing it never existed in this planet). I'm happy I found on-sale stuff and in good fit.

So, another problem solve. Next is my cellphone. I've been using Chikka services for more than two months now. At first, I kind of like it because, aside from my sister's text messages, I don't need to be bothered by some demanding and tempting messages I usually get. Hehehe..

That would be my next concern.

What happen to my phone? Good question. To make the long story short -- don't ask.

home visit

2008-04-14T13:16:00.003+08:00

I went home last weekend, just visiting. Everybody was okay. My nephew and nieces were in my parent's house ev'ryday -- scavenging for food. Josh ate almost all my Brazo and doughnuts. Prince sleep all day in my room. Balong watched television the whole time and that left me doing nothing at all. That's all I do when I'm home -- kain, tulog, tv -- and they all got it before me -- my Brazo, my pillow, and the remote. I brought a novel though but I didn't feel like reading.

PaMa asked how was my job hunting so far, I said okay. Because I wasn't hunting at all. Ate called and she gave me a proposition regarding my desktop and I'm kind of thinking about it. It's a good deal actually. Can't reveal it for now because it might not push-through then.

I was supposed to come back to my apartment yesterday but it rained the whole day and my clothes were still wet. Yes, I brought my laundry home. I used to do my laundry there since college. The laundry shop's rating is getting higher and Mama said why not bring my laundry home. Well actually my mother is always the one doing my laundry hehehe.. I always tell her I'll be the one to wash them the next morning. As if I wake up in the morning. :D It's actually an empty statement. When I wake up, my clothes are all dry. Ahahaha.. Love my mother.

food extravaganza

2008-04-12T12:41:00.009+08:00

I had late lunch around 4 in the afternoon and decided to have my dinner as early as 7 I guess. After main meals, Bing2 and I had a little chatty moment in my room regarding my career-to-be and you bet.. There was nothing to talk much about it.

After few hours I asked everybody who wants McDonalds? Alam mo yung feeling na you're not that hungry but you wanted to eat something? Something you can't name. That's what I'm feeling standing in front of McDonalds' counter. It took me minutes to finally end up with chocolate fudge. But then the fudge wasn't that enough so we went to Chowking. This time I want Beef Chow Fan. I was actually with Bing2 and she bought the same thing. We decided to eat at the apartment because it's getting late. It turned out, nang dumating kami ng building, the Chow Fan tasted no good. I was disappointed because I still want to eat something. Haay, anu ba talaga?

It was as if one of the hardest moment of my life. Minutes after, nagyaya akong uminom. We were not allowed to bring liqour/alcohol inside the building but we do have a bottle of red wine, left over from a party. Though we prefer somethin' else but we tried the wine anyway.

After my first shot I stopped. Shit, that wasn't what I wanted to drink. Haay, anu ba talaga? ateMayette came, brought some fries and spaghetti but I'm sure I don't like those. When the balut vendor passed by, I thought of buying. We all went outside. And that was that. Enough. I had one balut and no matter what else I wanted, I just took my mind off from food and started myLotting.

Was it just the food or what? I wanted something and I can't figure it out.. What does that make me like..?

for the sake of update

2008-04-11T12:03:00.004+08:00

I'm sitting here thinking what to say other than I'm bored and I'm jobless and I'm depressed. For the past two days I haven't posted here, I was just here in my room anyway. My everyday routine is sleep around five in the morning, wakes up by lunch, sit in front of my desktop until around five in the morning again. That's how I live my life since college graduation. Well, I'm workin' on my earnings online day by day, changing my desktop wallpaper at least five times a day, eat more than five times a day and that's a must. Regarding my earnings, I'm maintaining four blogs now, clicking ads from nineteen different pay-to-click websites, and posting at myLot using two different accounts. These, at least, makes my everyday life productive without a real job. Nagugulat ang mga tao dito if makita nila akong pumasok ng building, they would say "Aba Joy, lumabas ka? Finally, naarawan kana today." :D

(*sigh*) Well, I changed my nailpolish into black last night. I'm trying to maintain one main meal in a day and have more than one mug intake of coffee in 24hours. Guess, that's a bit of an update then.

antidepressant (generic)

2008-04-08T20:53:00.005+08:00

The clock's not working outside my room, my own clock's not working too and I have no idea what time was it when I woke up today.

I jumped off my bed after slouching for over an hour remembering I have an appointment in school today. Damn, what time was it? Sure thing I'm late again. It took me another hour (or so, I think) to make myself beautiful and slide out to my door. I came to school to get my diploma back because my favorite name was missing a letter and I can't sleep well because of that. I also did few things, I requested my official TOR, I passed my yearbook solicitation, requested a resume format and my graduation pictures. Thank goodness I brought my patience with me and decided to stay though I came in the registrar's office jampacked. It's all done, except that I have to go back for my TOR after God knows when.

I headed for the exit when the urge to go somewhere hit me. Ten minutes after I was walking inside GS Ilustre. I look into some wool fabrics because I obviously needed them in times of interview. I was a little depressed of how it'll cost me if I buy today and so I dragged myself away from the textile section to shoes section. It caused more depression and I needed something. I wanna eat. No I just had my lunch. I wanna watch Bucketlist. Wait, it'll cost me two meals. I'm depressed and I'm not sure if I'm upset and I'm standing infront of the undergarments section like I'm in the middle of Jupiter contemplating whether to eat or watch the fucking Bucketlist. What should a person of no career, depressed, and having a hard time deciding between simple choices in the middle of Jupiter? Buy an underwear.

Okay, an underwear and a lingerie nalang to make me feel better.

My feet hurts after an hour of walking because I'm wearing my wedge. So I went straight to the exit before I start arguing with myself again of what to do next.

I arrived in my apartment around five in the afternoon feeling happier with my new undies. By the way, I bought a gray underwear with different colors of paws and Mickey Mouse prints on them. Ha. What else is more nicer than that huh? Anyway, I'm not so happy with my bra but it's black and I feel like my boobs are bigger than what I thought. :D And until now, the size of my breasts are still a mystery to me.

''something"

2008-04-07T01:29:00.008+08:00

While waiting for my legendary PC to load stuff, I grabbed a pen and a paper and started scribbling something that seems to me like -- 'something'.

Sometimes I sort of get myself into stupid stuff. Like.. Like feeling in love. I remember the last person I had a huge crush on. I could still remember when was the very last time I had sex (with a man and completely human). And I still recall my last dinner invite as well. But I barely know now if I ever did love someone. Naks.

Anyway highway, here's this 'something'.

It's not a poem coming from an in love person though but something like letting go of someone you wanted to love but knowing it'll never work out if you'll push it through. I could dedicate this to a lot of men I came across from the past but I dedicate it only to 2254. Name withheld so everything's in peace. Hehehehe..

When you said you want me,

all I can do was look down

If you could see it through my eyes,

you'll see me longing

I know that you don't really want me

the way I want you to want me

You love someone else. You just want me.

And there's nothing else I could do about that.

I asked myself,

Why you? Why now?

And then I stopped.

There's no sense of asking.

You belong from the past.

A very long time ago

that deserves no-looking back.

Never.

not only screwed but pitying

2008-04-05T23:27:00.002+08:00

"It's Saturday and I deserve a night out because I'm free from whatever responsibility -- for now though."

This was one of the things that came into my head when I was planning what else could I possibly be doing with my life aside from hibernating. But then again, for sure I'm going to head back to my parent's house or call 1-800-Ate the next day because I'm already penniless. So I'm here, self-pitying.

Haaaay..

Down to last thesis task

2008-04-03T23:10:00.001+08:00

I came to school this afternoon because I had no choice in the first place. We submitted 5 printed copies (thesis docu) for hard bound and I had to inspect it myself.

I guess that's the last task I'm going to have for that damn thing, well except when I have to get my copy. Everything's settled then and finally we pursued our long time plan to treat sir X, we had dinner at Jo's. Sir Roy tagged along and treated him too, he's one of our panelist by the way. :D

I'm down to five more things to do in school and after that I have no idea what else could I make myself go out from my apartment. I've been here most of the time since I came back from an after-grad home vacation -- enjoying all the time in the world.

Bummer.

Inspiration over Red Horse

2008-04-02T19:01:00.008+08:00

We were to print our thesis document today but I came early afternoon at school and Jopalz was already out doing some errands. So what I did, I took an advantage clicking my ads from 15 PTC sites of mine. HAH.. That's my sorry ass doing currently since I don't have a job yet. Clicking my ads using school's property is a thousand times amazing because their units are a thousand times faster than mine. Ahahaha.. No job, no money, bum life with a nineteen-forgotten-year-old PC. Shit.

Anyway, my thesis buddies (Karl and Jopalz) did buzz me for like a gazillion times the whole night but I wasn't online until around 10pm. They wanted me to go to Karl's place to print the document but I reasoned out that I can't go there because of this and that, chuva leches and all that. They offered me McDonalds, Jollibee, Frenzy, Red horse, Free fare.. Guys, if you then offered me a free ticket to NoWhereLand, I'd come in less than 30minutes. And so I won, as always. (*grinning*) I stayed in my room and they printed all of it without me. Well I was actually crossing my fingers during those hours because they were drinking while printing and I was just hoping they're printing the right files. Hihihi.. Ironically, I was the one who mess up because I sent chapters with wrong margins, wrong Acknowledgement, wrong certificate, etc., etc. Ahahaha..

Anyway again, while in the middle of sending them files, something bad situation came up. Jaja, my friend from the building felt bad and she wanted to go to the hospital. I, C_ _ r_y Joy Abe, good citizen of Lorenzo building offered to go to the hospital. PS: I'm not asking you to guess what's those missing letters of my first name. I just hate mentioning it, that's all. Anyway, together with my mates in the building, ateMayette, Adie, and Bing2, we all went to the hospital. My valid reasons why I went there though I hate to see people with wounds and knowing that dead people has special place in a hospital (though I'm not confirmed with that yet) is that, I wanted an inspiration and it's going to be unique this time. A hospital. Minutes of waiting became hours and I started to feel regression why I chose hospital as a place to get inspired. Wrong choice, tell you the truth. Especially if there's no living cute patient or doctor walking around.

We were able to get a semi-private room for Jaja after forty-eight thousand years of waiting and finally took her in between 1-2 in the morning. We were kind of like hesitating of who will take good care of her through the night since her parents is not yet around. AteMayette, enlightened by an angel, took the responsibility. I can't because I left my thesis buddies hanging onto my sending of our Chapter 3 which probably by the time we were deciding of who will sleep with Jaja, they're also planning for my assassination 'cause I told them I'll be back in an hour and it's super more than an hour by then. Hehehe..

We came back to our place nearly 4 and I had more than ten BUZZes and more than ten same messages (MSG: asa na ang chapter 3..). No death threat.

By the way, here's ang hindi mawawalang picture taking between life and death. :D

I had my admiration towards dextrose since
I was a kid. Here, I desperately needed one.

Pinagdiskitahan pati name tag.

That's Jaja on the left. In
the state of whatever she was really feeling that time.

One week since..

2008-03-31T16:57:00.000+08:00

One week since my graduation. One week since I started memorizing tv commercials. One week since I did nothing but bum all day. One entire damn week since I don't have an allowance.

Get a life.

Welcome to my fourth public blog. :)

2008-03-29T19:48:00.001+08:00

Hello everyone.

I created this blog as I

say goodbye to being a

student and as I welcome

the world of jobless people,

I need something to view

the update of my

to-be-screwed life.

And, this is it.